I can actually say I’ve by no means dated two males directly till now. Have I dated? Sure, after all. However going out on dates with males, having a couple of dates with one man and some dates with one other on the similar time to check the waters is totally different than deliberately, completely relationship two males on the similar time as a result of that’s all I’ve vitality for.
I didn’t plan or imply for this to occur. I’m not being sneaky by any means; they each know that I’m relationship as a result of I’ve been clear that’s what I’ll be doing till I wish to commit to 1 man. For me, that takes some time.
Prior to now, I’ve dedicated too quick, dominated out all different prospects, and been very, very sorry. At this stage in life, with divorces and youngsters and baggage (as a result of all of us have it), it takes longer to get to know somebody.
So relationship them each is the higher possibility for me, however it doesn’t go with out its challenges.
Once they each textual content me a candy good morning message, there have been instances I’ve virtually gotten again to the improper man. It wouldn’t be the top of the world, however I’m certain it could really feel shitty to them as a result of I do know it could really feel shitty to me.
There have been a couple of evenings when one man has known as whereas I’m on a date with the opposite, and it’s been a couple of hours till I used to be in a position to name them again.
Now, fortunately, they’re each respectful of my time, and after they ask what I used to be as much as and I inform them I used to be at dinner, they don’t ask me any extra questions. It’s like a silent understanding, however it nonetheless feels unusual to me. Dishonest even. And but I hold doing it as a result of I owe it to myself to take my time. And the truth is that we’re relationship, and I’m not doing something improper.
I’m afraid I’m going to name one in every of them by the improper title — very minor, I do know. However the larger downside is I’m avoiding any sort of sexual intimacy with them as a result of I’m a monogamous individual. It’s getting more durable and more durable to keep away from.
I’m a girl who has wishes, and I’m interested in each of them. I additionally really feel like there needs to be some sort of take a look at drive earlier than committing to somebody… for those who get what I’m saying. It’s vital that piece is there for each of us.
I’m not saying each of those males are begging for me and able to take me off the market. They’re relationship too, I’m certain, as a result of their profiles are nonetheless lively on the positioning the place we met, though they’ve each informed me they aren’t seeing anybody else.
This complete course of has change into tedious, and it’s not enjoyable. I’m drained, I’m undecided the place to direct my consideration, and the looming feeling of guilt received’t go away. This isn’t one thing I’ve navigated earlier than. I actually like specializing in one individual, however it additionally feels safer to me to not put all my eggs in a single basket prematurely. It’s been a tough lesson to study, however after relationship for nearly a decade, it’s about time I study it.
It’s uncommon to fulfill one man I like, a lot much less two, and it’s a possibility that may in all probability by no means current itself once more in my whole life, so I would as effectively discover whereas it’s right here.
Hopefully not an excessive amount of longer although. My mind is scattered, and actually, I’m able to get laid. By the precise man, after all.
Diana Park is a author who finds solitude in a very good e book, the ocean, and consuming quick meals along with her youngsters.
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