After I get on the telephone with Kelly Stafford, host of the extraordinarily relatable podcast The Morning After with Hank and spouse of NFL quarterback Matthew Stafford, we’re each a bit of harried. My youngsters had simply completed having random half-days in the course of the week, and all 4 of Kelly’s women have been house for a half-day. “I don’t actually get it, however right here we’re, ? Oh nicely,” she says, and I immediately really feel bonded to her. We don’t get it. We’re all a bit of exhausted by an ever-changing faculty schedule. We’re all making an attempt to do our greatest.
Whether or not you take heed to her podcast or observe her on Instagram, you get a vibe from Kelly that she has curated fairly effortlessly — she seems like certainly one of us. She is opinionated and humorous and calls out her personal errors. She loves her household fiercely and nonetheless totally embraces her personal life — there is no such thing as a “mother period” right here or “discovering your self once more after child.” She’s simply Kelly. And she or he seems like she’s your buddy.
After I chat with Kelly, I’m chatting together with her as each a soccer fan and a fan of her podcast. I’m an individual who rooted for the Los Angeles Rams in Tremendous Bowl 56 due to Kelly — and I suppose her husband Matthew, too. I do know her husband’s identify and his abilities and his UGA legacy as a result of I’m married to a person whose coronary heart is within the form of a soccer; however I really feel like I do know Matthew and Kelly — and their 4 women Chandler and Sawyer (age 7), Hunter (age 6), and Tyler (age 4) — by way of her podcast. I inform her this after we chat, that I usually say to my husband, “Oh Kelly stated one thing humorous right this moment” and he simply is aware of I imply Kelly Stafford.
Scary Mommy: I even have three women, so all of your content material about women actually resonates with me.
Kelly Stafford: How outdated are your women?
SM: I’ve a 10-year-old, a 6-year-old, after which my child might be 3 quickly.
KS: Oh my goodness. Nicely, I am going to take any recommendation from you as a result of a 10-year-old — clearly mine are behind that one.
SM: Actually, 10 is actually, actually nice and everybody made me so scared for the tween years and to this point they’ve been such a pleasure.
KS: OK, good. That’s good to know.
SM: I’ve been listening to your podcast for a very long time. And I really feel like a variety of the tales you and Hank share are such regular parenting stuff to speak about, however in a means that does not really feel shamey or judgey or something like that.
KS: It was form of the purpose of me beginning the podcast as a result of I felt such as you could not fail as a mother anymore. I simply felt like a failure each time I turned to social media and simply noticed these mothers doing essentially the most and greatest for his or her youngsters and me sitting there going, “Nicely, I have never carried out any of that.” So I lastly was like, “This isn’t actual,” and I really feel like speaking about it could be necessary for me and hopefully for anybody who could be listening.
I really feel like in case you make a mistake as a dad or mum, or in case you present your child not buckled in a automobile seat, otherwise you actually get — you simply get crushed. There is no room. And clearly we’d like to verify we’re buckling our youngsters in, however on the similar time, we’re all simply making an attempt to make it by way of proper now and we’ll make errors alongside the best way.
SM: Yeah the social media stress is insane. My 10-year-old is the one certainly one of her buddies that doesn’t have a telephone.
KS: Actually, I believe that is actually spectacular as a result of I do suppose it is robust to not give in when everybody round you and whatnot have these telephones, however I am actually hoping that individuals like you’ll exist extra. And so then it is extra regular for teenagers to not have telephones so early on in life. Matt and I are going to attempt to stick it out by way of about 16. And I do know that is most likely not going to work, however that is our objective. Whenever you begin driving, you possibly can have a flip telephone.
It is necessary for me to guard that psychological well being as a result of, actually, I’ve felt it. And other people most likely suppose I’m a reasonably assured individual and have a gorgeous life and issues like that, however I severely wrestle with insecurities. And insecurities not solely in simply being a mother and being the perfect spouse, but additionally insecurities in what I’d seem like and issues like that. And I simply may solely think about being younger and going by way of your awkward years and having a telephone the place you are seeing all these stunning individuals and never understanding that almost all of those persons are — and we all know it — placing their greatest stuff on the market. I nonetheless cannot get previous it. I nonetheless wrestle with it. And having 4 women, I imply, you may have women. That is certainly one of my greatest fears shifting ahead.
SM: It’s not a simple time elevating youngsters proper now, however particularly women. Do you guys really feel that stress along with your 4?
KS: I imply, on a regular basis. I really feel like women are a lot extra physique conscious. I had no physique consciousness till I believe I used to be in school. I performed sports activities, I used to be busy, my physique was my physique, it was there. However I had certainly one of my youngsters simply say the phrase skinny the opposite day and it form of made me stand nonetheless for a second. And she or he was simply speaking. I do not know what she was speaking about. I believe she was speaking about someone, however I used to be like … I do not know. Even these phrases are form of triggering for folks of women.
Matthew and I all the time simply say you need to help your coronary heart and your organs on the within. It would not matter on the surface, however you need to be certain these insides are wholesome. However I really feel like generally even my older women are like, “Yeah, so in case you eat more healthy, you are thinner.” And I used to be like, “No.” It is onerous as a result of they hear these things already and I am like, “That isn’t the case.” However once more, it is simply being a dad or mum as of late and making an attempt to do what’s greatest on your child, but additionally understand that there’s a entire world on the market that’s going to consistently inform them they’re too fats, too skinny, too tall, too dumb — you all the time need to encourage at house, nevertheless it’s robust.
SM: It’s simply onerous to have youngsters. And as of late, I really feel prefer it’s even tougher to only allow them to be youngsters. Like older generations will argue youngsters spend an excessive amount of time indoors or no matter, however I can’t simply throw them exterior with out me there to oversee.
KS: Once more, every thing’s a steadiness — even independence and making a tradition the place they are often unbiased, but additionally preserving them protected since you’re proper. How they raised us wouldn’t work right this moment. I imply, we’d most likely have CPS name us in a heartbeat if we raised youngsters the best way our mother and father raised us. But it surely was such an effective way to develop up. You actually be taught to drawback remedy — again within the day, you needed to be taught. For those who received in a struggle with a buddy, you needed to learn to take care of it. Or in case you did one thing incorrect at a neighbor’s home, you need to learn to make an apology, issues like that.
SM: I do love your women’ names a lot. Have been there every other child names you really liked and didn’t use?
KS: I cherished Bentley for a lady. Actually all of our names apart from Sawyer are household names, and so they have been all boy names. I had Cooper for a boy, however after taking part in with Cooper Kupp, I really feel like that will be bizarre.
SM: Did you see the current report card from the NFL Players Association about the perfect and worst franchises for households? How has it been being within the NFL for your loved ones?
KS: I’ve seen it. I believe each large enterprise may most likely do higher with households, however I have been actually fortunate. Lions have been implausible and so have been the Rams. And I am going to say one factor — I really feel like individuals neglect this and I’d hope that the organizations who weren’t graded nice perceive this, however once they pull these guys and so they put them on their groups, most of them are usually not from the realm. And you are taking wives and children and girlfriends, no matter it could be, and also you’re placing them in an space that they do not know in any respect with no household, no buddies. And if there’s not a way of group inside the staff, you may get misplaced actually shortly as a big different and your youngsters.
And I believe when you do not really feel such as you’re supported in the neighborhood, no matter it’s, you are feeling lonely. And loneliness turns to distress. When these guys are coming house and their wives and their households haven’t got a group, then they’re coming house to, not a depressing spouse and children, however a not as completely satisfied spouse and children that really feel like they belong and have been supported and have buddies and whatnot. So I’ve been really fortunate that the 2 organizations that I’ve been with have been implausible in that. We’ve got felt supported in each areas. We’ve got buddies on the groups in each locations, however I’ve heard of organizations that are not nice, and these wives really feel like they only do not actually have a spot.
And it is onerous for these girls to get careers as a result of they’re shifting consistently or they’ve youngsters and so they’re making an attempt to determine their youngsters in a brand new place. Clearly an NFL profession is a big blessing, however I believe it does make an enormous distinction when households really feel part of the group than once they do not. Even for the lads concerned — it is good to come back house to a lady and children who really feel grounded and supportive and cherished and a part of it and all these issues.
SM: Do individuals ever let you know issues like “Poor Matthew” about having 4 women?
KS: On a regular basis. On a regular basis. Or they will be like, “You could not give him a boy?” And I am like, I am sorry, to start with, the person decides the intercourse, so it isn’t on me. And second of all, my husband didn’t need any boys, and I really like him a lot for that. He is received an excellent head on his shoulders relating to sure issues. And it now, we wanted to be lady mother and father. We discuss concerning the pressures which can be placed on women, however with a boy, I believe the pressures from everybody round him to be like his dad would’ve been onerous. Or if he wasn’t like his dad, I’d hate for him to really feel any kind of failure. And Matthew knew that from the get-go that he did not need that, so he simply knew if he had women, they could possibly be something they wished to be and there can be no stress. So yeah, when individuals say that, I simply take a look at him and I am like, nicely, not my fault, one. And two, truly he did not need boys, so we’re good.
This interview has been edited and condensed for readability.
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